Blending together as a family is one thing, blending together as a couple is another matter entirely. Its almost unheard of nowadays for couples not to have lived together before they get married, we however didn’t do the the try before you buy scenario. Not only did not live together before we married, but haven’t done since we married either. That is set to change in the next couple of months, and its brought to my mind recently on how I’m going to manage the transition from being a married yet singleton so to speak, to being real life couple and all that it brings with it.
I’ve lived on my own for 4 1/2 years (with the kids of course). I’m a bit set in my ways, used to ruling the roost, making my own decisions, getting my own way pretty much all of the time (except when the kids pester power gets the better of me). Mr Daly is here only a couple of days a week, and as such has little impact on the way I go about everyday life, but there are the odd couple of things that I’ve had to take note of, little reminders along the way that he has his own way of doing things, his own foibles and little quirks.
Blending together as a couple has meant embracing the good and the bad, the odd compromise here and there, keeping a balanced and honest view of our relationship – recognising the positives and keeping them at the forefront of the relationship and accepting that there will always be a few negatives. No one is perfect, perfection would afterall I think get boring anyway. However, it can be so so easy to take the good bits for granted and let the little, insignificant annoyances fester.
its the small nice things I love the most. I don’t need big gestures, hearts and flowers are a bit lost on me really. The little things are not –
- He walks through the door, and before doing anything else he kisses me hello
- He is always the first to ask me how my day has gone. What I’ve been up to, how have the kids been. Despite him working very long hours, often being very tired and usually arriving at mine pretty late in the evening, he always puts first my need to off load my day. Only after I’ve rattled off everything I’ve been up to, do I take a breath, and remember – his turn.
- We’ll sit down at the dining table to catch up on our day, and he always holds my hand whilst we talk
- No matter what I cook for dinner he remembers to thank me (and proceeds to eat the lot, thankfully he’s not a fussy eater, just a wheat intolerant vegetarian!)
Then, there are the niggles – small, insignificant things, but as insignificant as they are, they haven’t gone unnoticed!
- He squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle instead of at the end
- He brings a glass of water to bed, but never takes it down again in the morning- amazing how quickly a collection builds up
- I find socks anywhere but in the washing basket
- He uses the nicely folded towel in the bathroom, but never refolds it afterwards
But you know what, even though I give a bit of a mental ‘tut’ when I am re-folding the towel again, or a resigned sigh as I squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube back up to the top. I also have an inward smile, a bit of a warm feeling. Because as tiny and unimportant as these niggly things are, I’m grateful for them. When I pick up his stocks from the bottom of the stairs and throw them in the washing basket, it reminds me that he’s here, and due to the way we currently live, thats a bonus as the majority of the time he’s not.
I recognise the fact that I am most definitely, without doubt not an easy person to live with or even be around sometimes. I would hate to see his list of niggles about me – endless is a description that springs to mind! Quite often my stress levels are off the scale for which unfortunately my family bare the brunt of – but he accepts this, without question, with patience and understanding (and lots of hugs). This is what I mean by me trying to keep a balanced view of our relationship – keeping and remembering constantly of what is good, what is really of value in our relationship, my husbands true worth rather than any of the occasional trivial annoyances I come across.
Blending together is a process for me that has and is taking time, patience (hmm.. need to work on that.. not my greatest attribute), and love (we’ve got plenty of that thankfully). I am having to learn that I am not the centre of my world , we both are. That means working together, seeing, understanding and sometimes accepting (only sometimes mind!) an opposing opinion. I learn a lot from him – mainly a better way to deal with stuff other that screaming my head off, and I do try (not always successfully I admit). Blending together has wanted to make me a better person, better mother, better wife (again, not always successfully, ha ha…but I’m trying) And isn’t that the ultimate goal – to become better and happier people together than you were apart – I hope so, thats certainly where I want to head.
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