Friends

Over these past few months I have learned to really value friendship.  I have received love, care and support from so many people.  From those who were already my friends, and from those who I now class as my friends.

I have felt genuine love and understanding, people willing to hold out their hand, offer comfort, give their time, offer their shoulder – and expect nothing in return.  People who have sent a message of support, just to let me know me and my family are cared for and thought about often.

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I don’t think I really ever appreciated before the necessity of these people in my life – took them for granted I suppose, didn’t give it much thought or concern.  All these people form either part of my inner or wider circle, some whom have a daily impact on my life, some who just add that bit of something here and there.  But without them, without their words, messages, letters, cards, thoughts and prayers I’m not quite sure where I would be right now.

I have had people share some of their most personal and heartbreaking experiences of their own grief, the journey that they took, and how they have survived it.  It has helped so much to know that whilst no-one can really experience exactly what you are going through, its so unique to each individual,  but that they understand, they will listen, they can reassure.  I don’t feel a burden to them when I express how I feel, when the outpouring of tears and sadness won’t stop – they have listened, they have hugged, they have understood.

What a privilege it is to have those warm, loving, caring people around me, to lift me up, often to drag me a long (whether I want to or not!).  So many people in this world are alone, have no-one, have to bear their burdens without anyone there to help.

It feels pretty amazing to know that I am not alone, and I never will be.

 

 

 

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Romance – Dead or Alive? #1

Did you know that August every year is Romance Awareness month.  Well I didn’t, not until I came across it on Trista’s (Domestic Momster) blog.

Got me thinking – So I’m not a slushy hearts and flowers sort of person.

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I don’t need or expect big romantic gestures (although chocolates will always go down well no matter what – mentioned just in case Mr D is having a nosey at the blog).

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Asked myself a few questions….

  • What is romance?
  • Am I romantic?
  • Is Mr D romantic?
  • Do we make enough effort, time and opportunity for romance?

We both do the little everyday stuff which is a general part of our lives together, we hold hands, we cuddle up on the sofa, I love you is said a lot.  Those things are part of who we are, the type of couple we are and the relationship we share (nice stuff & niggles detailed in a previous post).  Surely all of that is classed as romance.  But would I say we go above and beyond these… not on a regular basis.

  • Do we need to?
  • Are we taking our relationship for granted?
  • Are we taking each other for granted?
  • Would a bit of extra ‘Romance Awareness’ now and again go amiss in keeping the fire burning bright in our relationship.

Probably not, certainly couldn’t hurt.

I am pretty action orientated, bull by the horns so to speak.  So with Romance Awareness Month in mind and it being a child free Sunday (they were off at their dads) – a perfect opportunity to inject a bit of ‘romance’ in to the glorious warm day.

What could be easier better (am meant to be making an effort, easy shouldn’t come in to it!) than a picnic in the park together.  Me, him, picnic blanket – spot on.  Sunday is Church day, but today, romance was coming first, so left church early, picked up a few bits and put together a couple of his favourite picnic foods – namely tiger bread and cheese, jumped in the car and headed off to Shibden Park.

As busy as it was (given its a family friendly place, lots of open grass and the sun was cracking the flags, it was hardly suprising), we found a nice spot, laid out together and watched the world go by.

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Food, followed by chat, followed by a bit more food, and a lot more chatting.

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I approached the subject of ‘Romance’ cautiously – expecting to be met with the rolling of eyes and a response of ‘all that fuss and nonsense’, but he was actually quite receptive.  Especially as I put to him we could have a little romance competition for the month, see who can get in the most ‘random acts of romance’ before the end of August – my dear husband is THE MOST competitive person I know (well, him and his brother!).. so this was pretty much a sure way of getting him involved.  But we’ll see, as we know the saying and the doing are totally different things! I also said we could have a prize for the most inventive gesture – that should be interesting.

So I am now trawling looking for romantic ideas other than the usual stuff we do as part of our ‘ordinary’ Daly lives

IDEAS – GRATEFULLY RECEIVED!

Over the next 3 weeks I’m going to update on our ‘randmom acts of romance’ – lets see where it takes us.  Sick buckets may well be needed – pre-warning issued.

Linked up with #AnythingGoes

My Random Musings

Blended Family – Nice stuff & Niggles

Blending together as a family is one thing, blending together as a couple is another matter entirely.  Its almost unheard of nowadays for couples not to have lived together before they get married, we however didn’t do the the try before you buy scenario.  Not only did not live together before we married, but haven’t done since we married either.  That is set to change in the next couple of months, and its brought to my mind recently on how I’m going to manage the transition from being a married yet singleton so to speak, to being real life couple and all that it brings with it.

I’ve lived on my own for 4 1/2 years (with the kids of course).  I’m a bit set in my ways, used to ruling the roost, making my own decisions, getting my own way pretty much all of the time (except when the kids pester power gets the better of me). Mr Daly is here only a couple of days a week, and as such has little impact on the way I go about everyday life, but there are the odd couple of things that I’ve had to take note of, little reminders along the way that he has his own way of doing things, his own foibles and little quirks.

Blending together as a couple has meant embracing the good and the bad, the odd compromise here and there, keeping a balanced and honest view of our relationship – recognising the positives and keeping them at the forefront of the relationship and accepting that there will always be a few negatives.  No one is perfect, perfection would afterall I think get boring anyway.  However, it can be so so easy to take the good bits for granted and let the little, insignificant annoyances fester.

its the small nice things I love the most.  I don’t need big gestures, hearts and flowers are a bit lost on me really.  The little things are not –

  • He walks through the door, and before doing anything else he kisses me hello
  • He is always the first to ask me how my day has gone.  What I’ve been up to, how have the kids been.  Despite him working very long hours, often being very tired and usually arriving at mine pretty late in the evening, he always puts first my need to off load my day.  Only after I’ve rattled off everything I’ve been up to, do I take a breath, and remember – his turn.
  • We’ll sit down at the dining table to catch up on our day, and he always holds my hand whilst we talk
  • No matter what I cook for dinner he remembers to thank me (and proceeds to eat the lot, thankfully he’s not a fussy eater, just a wheat intolerant vegetarian!)

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Then, there are the niggles – small, insignificant things, but as insignificant as they are, they haven’t gone unnoticed!

  • He squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle instead of at the end
  • He brings a glass of water to bed, but never takes it down again in the morning- amazing how quickly a collection builds up

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  • I  find socks anywhere but in the washing basket
  • He uses the nicely folded towel in the bathroom, but never refolds it afterwards

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But you know what, even though I give a bit of a mental ‘tut’ when I am re-folding the towel again, or a resigned sigh as I squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube back up to the top.  I also have an inward smile, a bit of a warm feeling.  Because as tiny and unimportant as these niggly things are, I’m grateful for them.  When I pick up his stocks from the bottom of the stairs and throw them in the washing basket, it reminds me that he’s here, and due to the way we currently live, thats a bonus as the majority of the time he’s not.

I recognise the fact that I am most definitely, without doubt not an easy person to live with or even be around sometimes. I would hate to see his list of niggles about me – endless is a description that springs to mind!  Quite often my stress levels are off the scale for which unfortunately my family bare the brunt of – but he accepts this, without question, with patience and understanding (and lots of hugs).  This is what I mean by me trying to keep a balanced view of our relationship – keeping and remembering constantly of what is good, what is really of value in our relationship, my husbands true worth rather than any of the occasional trivial annoyances I come across.

Blending together is a process for me that has and is taking time, patience (hmm.. need to work on that.. not my greatest attribute),  and love (we’ve got plenty of that thankfully). I am having to learn that I am not the centre of my world , we both are.  That means working together, seeing, understanding and sometimes accepting (only sometimes mind!) an opposing opinion.  I learn a lot from him – mainly a better way to deal with stuff other that screaming my head off, and I do try (not always successfully I admit).  Blending together has wanted to make me a better person, better mother, better wife (again, not always successfully, ha ha…but I’m trying)   And isn’t that the ultimate goal – to become better  and happier people together than you were apart – I hope so, thats certainly where I want to head.

Linking up with #bestandworst

Best of Worst